3:26 AM

Yes, yes it is 3:26 am and I am still awake. I still have a one page response paper to finish. I still have spin class at 8:05 am. I still have to respond to two NYT articles (stupid busy work). I still have a ton of Exit Poll stuff to do. I am still behind on updating a data set for our department's modern day Yoda who fortunately isn't quite so married to the school of "do or do not--there is no try." Because gosh #$#%$% it. Sometimes trying is all I've got.

I'm hitting the year mark with String Bean in seven days. I'm melting down a little. I moved to Lehi. We're both insanely busy. I feel like we've stopped communicating or having quality time the last few weeks. Ohhhh relationships. Sometimes I just want to run. I want to run before I get hurt by the person that I love more than air. Why does that happen? Why do I just want to bolt all the sudden. I go from total bliss to complete panic in a matter of minutes. Why are there moments where I lack complete confidence in the idea that he loves me as much as I love him. Help?

I should note that this is total steam of conscience. I'm half awake but I've got to let some of this stress out. I feel like I can't breathe. Sometimes I just want to go home. Not to Texas but like home. You know what I mean?

Just let it be the weekend already. Just let me calm down already. Just... just... just. Ugh. I'm done. The end. I love you all. Rack thanks for your BOM reference in that last post. I needed that.

As a parting thought, the wallpaper in this bedroom is ugly and yet at times oddly comforting in it's old fashioned Anne of Green Gables kind of way.

Stuck somewhere between the bottom of the ice cream carton and the comfort of the gym...

GMC