Wooooahhh Nelly. Lady's Time!

Ohmmmmmmmmerrrrgosh guys. 

I have boobs! Isn't that cool? No, no it's not. Do you know why? Because I haven't started my period and my boobs are swollen up like two big rocks. Three words. 

I. Can't. Win. 

Seven. Days. 

Seven! 

WE CAN DO IT!!

My friend posted this on Facebook, and I figured considering the huge life choices and opposition and challenges we're all facing at this point in time, it was very applicable. Between ending internships and returning to college life, to graduating and becoming a real person, to deciding what to do with the in-between years where one degree ends and another begins, remember that we are lucky, talented, beautiful, educated, intelligent, capable, and experienced women. And eventually, everything works out for the best. There's always something worth keeping it together for.

"Sometimes I get depressed or I have an anxiety attack or whatever...but really, how can my life ever get too bad when there are some magnificent people in it?"

Love you ladies. 8 days!

-Paul Mitchell

Umm, hello...

So, I'm sitting here eating my lame baked potato with chili and cheese (okay, but really it isn't nearly as delish as it sounds), and I think to myself, "I'm board. Facebook? No. Gmail? No. BLOG!!!!" Oh and none of you have posted anything new, so now I have to post to entertain myself. #firstworldproblems... okay basically that whole paragraph--not just the part where you guys didn't blog.

In other news, tomorrow is the last day of classes AKA the last day of my undergraduate career AKA the day I probably kill myself because I still have no idea what I am doing with my life in January the end. Paul, please not that there was no punctuation in that sentence for a reason. BECAUSE I'M FREAKING OUT.

P.S- I seriously need to start my period but my body is too stressed out to start. This means that (hurrah for me) it's really going to be a B when it actually comes around. OH MY GOSH.


Okay, that's about it. I'm going to go eat jelly beans and chocolate covered almonds while pretending that I still like my job.

Peace and blessings and crap.

GNC

P.S- I saw the ever so slightly gay, attractive, and excellent dressing friend of ours today. He said, "Well look who it is... Princess on campus." Then he gave me a hug.

... yeah.

Thankful

I've been feeling a lot of stress about life lately. It's come to my attention that I will not be able to make ends meet just working at the Mac Shack, so the scrambling to find a second source of income has begun. The more I crunched numbers the more stressed I became. This was compounded more fully when I thought about my professional career. Things in DC didn't look like they were going to pan out, which meant I would be in SLC until grad school in a year and a half with pretty much no professional job opportunities. So I'd be in SLC for a full year and a half with no real job, working serving positions and living pay period to pay period. My personal/love life has no real vitality at this moment, and the more I see of men my age in Utah, the more frustrated I am on that front.

But then I got to thinking. It was, of course, around the Thanksgiving season, but oddly enough that didn't influence this. I was actually checking out at Whole Foods when I had my epiphany. I was buying milk and some vitamins when I saw one of the little cards at the checkout lane that allow you to donate $5, $10, or $25 dollars to the Utah Food Bank - the $5 provides breakfast for a family, the $10 provides dinner or lunch, and the $25 provides the family with food for an entire day. Even though I was stressing about my own financial situation, I realized something. Here I was at Whole Foods, buying a carton of fresh milk that is shipped in every morning from Colorado and some multi-vitamins because I was starting a new health regime. I had just gotten back from the gym where I was able to take classes and keep my body healthy. I was driving my car, which I love and don't constantly worry about breaking down.

Monthly, I end up throwing out food because it goes bad before I have a chance to eat it. I have my own room in a cute little house that has heating and air conditioning, and a bed and a couch and a lovesac, and amazing roommates that I can go to movies with and who care about my life. I have a job that will give me Christmas off so I can spend that time with my family and provide me with at least some source of income. I have a family that invites me over for Thanksgiving and dinner and would be willing to help me if things became too tight. I have The Church. Aside from providing me a social safety net and structure to my life, it helps me with perspective and provides me with peace and happiness.

And I have you guys. Three amazing friends that I know will always be there for me, no matter what happens. Three beautiful women who are strong, smart, driven, intelligent, and just plain awesome. I realized then that while things may not have been going perfectly in my life, there were definitely more things in the good category than the bad.

So I grabbed the $10 card and made my donation. After all, I have enough.

I am blessed and I am thankful.

-PM

Hello from Reno

Hello my darlings!

I am sitting on a stuffed leather sofa surrounded by pillows and extra soft blankets--this is the good life. I brought piles of homework and work... haven't touched any of it. I was super stressed out about it a while ago, but whatever right? It's Thanksgiving break.

It's been a great trip. I've actually started to form some sort of relationship with the Mother. We've gotten along really well, and I feel like I actually have a place in this family. More on that when we're finally together again. But I haven't been stabbed or anything, so it's going well. More importantly, this trip has been really healthy for the String Bean and I. It's amazing how a relationship can blossom when you're not worried about the rents. Ya know?

I've done nothing but eat, sleep, play, kiss, and cuddle for the last week. It's been A-mazing, and I actually feel ready to get back to Provo and wrap up the semester with a bang. Which is a good thing given the fact that I have done NOTHING productive this week... okay, basically this semester. It's not my fault I'm graduating.

I saw Skyfall.. .holy freaking good movie. And Daniel Craig. Ouch. If I didn't think he was Mr. Sexy before... wow.

Okay, that's all for me. I know that this wasn't terribly exciting or anything but that's all I've got. I'm still coming out of a turkey coma.  = ) Cheers! Love you all. 

Love you all. Can't wait to be reunited! GNC out. 

And remember... Live Well. 

Brain splurge

I am positive that when I have my period, what is really coming out is my brain.

Seriously.

When I'm on my period I can't think. I don't even try to anymore. I kind of just schlup through my day, whether it's work, running errands, or working out. And yes, I just used the word schlup. There were several times at work today when I seriously had to ask people to repeat themselves. Then they did, and I still didn't understand what the hell they were saying. Pretty sure I was judged for this.

Also. I love Les Miserables. I'm currently reading the book. I'm also currently watching the 25th Anniversary Concert. The story is so good, even Nick Jonas can't ruin it entirely. However, it does make me really miss the original concert version I lost somewhere while I moved. Seriously. This story affects me in ways that I can't describe. There are certain older books that I read and I just can't get into. Most older books are that way honestly - I read them because I feel like I need to and because I can appreciate them for their literary value. But that's not what it is with this book. It's...I can't even describe it. Even though I already know the story, I know how it ends, I find myself completely drawn in. For the first time in a long time, I find myself forcing myself to stay awake to read. I think the last time I had this was reading Hunger Games or Harry Potter. Perhaps The Portrait of Dorian Gray. But still - it's been a very long time. And the story and musical make me feel...anxious...in a way that happens rarely. I say anxious only because I can't think of another way to put it. It's a mix of emotional, and antsy, almost as if I'm having withdrawals and shell-shock from it being over.

I had that same reaction when Harry Potter ended. I also had that reaction when I finished Perks of Being a Wallflower. I both love and hate it.

The Guru is in Paris now. Well...he'll be flying over the Atlantic. I think his flight left around 5. He got in first class. The brat. He's deserted me in Utah for 3 weeks. Would it be over-dramatic to say I'm actually a little worried about how those weeks are going to go? He's been my respite from a lot of negative feelings that have threatened to overcome me in the past few months. Even during campaign season when we were both really busy, I think we still managed to see each other once a week, or at least talk on the phone that often. He said I kept him sane, and he kept me from being depressed as I spent most of the day by myself in an office talking on the phone. And this last week we've seen each other almost every day. Actually, I take that back. I'm 98% certain we've hung out every day this past week,I can tell I'm developing rather strong feelings for him, but they're not romantic. He always thanks me for putting up with "his bullshit" which seems odd to me, as it's tame considering what I was used to putting up with. I'm just grateful he puts up with my ridiculous venting all the time.

It is now winter, which means my feel will not be warm again until May. I dislike this part where it's cold enough for me to freeze, but not cold enough to snow. I mean, what's up with that?! I just looked at the weather report and it's supposed to RAIN in DECEMBER. That is not okay.

Also, if you're in the mood to be mildly creeped out while entertained at the same time, go on Craigslist and look at the "strictly platonic" section. I'm pretty sure I just read an ad for someone with a foot fettish.

I'm thinking about applying for a server position up in Park City, at the Blue Iguana. it would be an hour drive each way, but I love Park City and the tips could be good. Plus I could work it and Macaroni Grill at the same time. I would honestly love the input. I'm a little unsure of how I'm going to make ends meet right now with only one job.

Anyway, I'm off to read Les Mis. Love you all!

-Jillian

I believe in term limits.

Only/still 19 days to go. I have very mixed feelings about this.

As you will have noticed, I put up about a million pictures on fb yesterday, basically spanning the whole semester. I reached the conclusion that it has been fun/crazy/wonderful/stressful/maddening/hilarious/fantastic/terrible/awkward/great/beautiful awesome, in every sense of the word. I'm trying to fight off a bit of panic at the thought of leaving this amazing city, but also there's this flood of relief that I can feel trying to break the dam. Don't know what to do about that, so I'm tabling it for another few days. Probably about 19.

Anyway, we heard from a certain very old public official from my lovely home state on Friday. There were moments while he was talking to us that I thought "Gee, he is such a great, crazy old man. I wish he was my grandfather or great uncle or something so I could listen to his crazy stories during the holidays."

Then it hit me. This crazy old man who was rambling and telling stories is the voice of my state to the government. His rhetoric was almost unbearable. The ad hominem attacks. The "us vs. them" mentality. The old fashioned, ignorant, value-laden speech. I was mildly disgusted.

The only conclusion I can draw from this: I so firmly believe in term limits. I believe there was a time when this crazy old man was just an enthusiastic man who went to bat on both sides of the aisle to accomplish things. But I also believe that that time has long passed.

The most frustrating part of all this is that I voted for him. I voted for him because I didn't want two freshman speaking for my state; I wanted someone on the Hill with some clout. That's probably how a lot of people felt, but I'm regretting that decision now. I might affiliate with a party just so that I can have some say in whether this happens in the future. Primary elections are the only way to accomplish anything back home, and our primary system sucks.

This is my life. Again, mixed feelings.

Politically/geographically/emotionally conflicted but always yours,

The Rack

P.S. - My latest time-wasting obsession: Paul Ryan "Hey Girl" memes. Here are a few gems to start your week off right.

Love you ladies!!

Once upon a time: a follow up on my sad post

So.

I'm about to make a pecan pie, but decided I wanted to write something really quickly first, as well as showing some of my favorite memes that I've collected over the last month or so:

I would like to apologize for my last post ranting about my feelings. Sometimes I just have bad days and need to vent about it somewhere. The same thing happened last night. I ended up calling The Guru and he, surprisingly, really helped me through it. I only say it was surprising because this was the first time I've reached out to him when I'm having a current emotional problem and try to talk through those feelings with him. Of course, they dealt with Confused Asshole. Which is probably why I needed a guys input on my feelings, since they were caused by a male. 

It was nice, because, at one point in the conversation, completely unsolicited, The Guru said "I know you were an amazing girlfriend and friend to him. There wouldn't be many girls who would actually stick around after that, most of them would have run."

I'm not sharing this to be self-gratifying or to toot my own horn. It was just some unexpected kindness that ended up making me feel better about the particular situation at hand. Which caused me to come to a realization: I need to date someone - not to like, have a deep meaningful relationship, but just so I can relearn what it's like to date someone, like, date a NORMAL person. Where they're nice to you. However, I still know I'm not ready to date someone in a serious way. That would just be too much right now. But dating someone for like, 3 months and breaking it off before there's too much commitment?  Totally doable.

I want to be this cow

The other thing that brought this to light - the realization that I've been (for lack of a better word) trained to expect the person I'm with to not be all that nice to me - occurred yesterday. We were driving and were at a stop light. I had handed Guru my phone because I was attempting to get him to say something in a gay man voice and he would only do it if he had my phone so he knew I wasn't recording it. In the middle of me telling him the voice had been better before and laughing at him, the light traffic starts moving in front of us. Because we were in his car, and it's a manual, he drops my phone, and swears as he tries to get his car into gear, and ends up stalling on a steep hill, plus the car makes these kind of terrible sounds. I of course, feel horrible as he was distracted because of me. I apologized because had this been with Confused Asshole he would have been upset with me for the situation. Guru responds with "why are you apologizing? It totally wasn't your fault." Needless to say, I was a little shocked. This had happened once before when I'd interrupted him giving directions to a group of tourists, I apologized and he genuinely seemed surprised I thought there was something to apologize for. I didn't realize until later, with both situations, that I apologized because I'd been conditioned to do so through my previous relationship.

This is the update on the situation. This is my life.

I hope you enjoyed the memes. Because I think they're awesome. 

Toodles! Hope you have a fabulous Sabbath!

-PM 

Strength

This post is dedicated to powering forward in those most uncertain moments: uncertainty in yourself, in others, in your future, in life. Someone wise once told me, when you reach the point where the light no longer extends, it is often necessary to step into the dark and wait for the light to follow. If it does not retreat. Find a new direction, but if the light follows--and more often than not it does--march forward until you reach that darkness, that uncertain moment again, you will make it. One. Step. At. A. Time. 

Independence of mind or strength of character is rarely found among those who cannot be confident that they will make their way by their own effort. -Hayek

GNC
Live Well 

In defense of my (temporary) profession

There was a commentator on CNN last night who was talking about how Obama's campaign had really honed in on microtargeting and perfected the art since Bush used it in '04, and how this is one of the reasons Obama won. This is only partially true.

Yes, the Obama campaign used microtargeting. Yes, Bush used microtargeting in '04 (the president and CEO of my firm was the guy who did Bush's microtargeting - legit). But no, Obama has not perfected the art, and no, this is not why he won.

Microtargeting on the conservative side is still more sophisticated. The president of my firm literally invented it, and we've made huge strides with it since the Bush campaign. The dem/liberal microtargeting groups are just getting into things. They're good, but don't give them too much credit.

Obama won because his ground game has been more developed and more active throughout the campaign, and because Republicans couldn't sway minority voters. I could go on for hours about both of these points - we did today in my office - but I'll spare you the rants.

All of that being said, what a roller coaster ride this has all been! Let's hope for the best for the next four years. Condi 2016?! Haha...

Much love and consolation where applicable. Also, perhaps this?

- The Rack

Political Ponderings - In Real Time!

I'm taking up my old "study" habit of blogging my thoughts in "real time." I'm not sure why I love "quotation marks" so much, but whatever. Ya'll get to deal with it.

7:45 - 15 minutes until exit polls and the early voting tally is released, meaning 15 minutes until I have to start entering the information into the giant spreadsheet. I'm currently sitting in The Candidates room of the state GOP victory party, being bathed in a sea of awkward and orange. The more I listen to the conversations around me, the more I realize I can never, I repeat, NEVER be a Republican in a state like this. It pains me to hear some of the - forgive the judgmental and insensitive terms - stupid, ignorant, and close-minded things that are being said. I understand that the people who are drawn to volunteering on campaigns are those that tend to be extreme, just like those that are drawn to vote in the primaries are the same way (hence the seeming bias to extremes in our electoral system). I guess I had hoped that campaign staffers would at the very least tramp out this kind of offensive vulgarity as opposed to not just allowing it, but encourage it by laughing along.

7:51 - I'm finally come to terms with the fact that I will NOT HAVE TO MAKE ANY MORE CALLS!! This excites me greatly. While I understand the purpose of making calls and know that it is effective, doing so for 12 hours a day can be a little draining.

7:53 - 3 minutes until results. And one of the campaign guys who had asked me out previously came up and talked to me. Awkward.

7:58 - Just realized I'm facing the wrong way at the table. Crap.

8:02 - It's getting really uncomfortable. Thinking I probably need to swing my chair around so I can see results too.

8:04 - Attempting to turn chair around. Unfortunately person in suit has hands on the back and is leaning on it *releasing awkward uncomfortable sounds* Also, the polls aren't updating, dammit!

8:06 - First poll in. It shows The Opponent leading with 0.00% of the precincts reporting. I'm not even sure how that happens.

8:09 - Also...people smell.

8:10 - Things aren't looking good for Romney. Can't say I'm surprised. If the election had taken place this time two weeks ago it might have been a different story. Unfortunately it allowed Obama's supporters to regroup and for him to make a favorable impression on the 12 undecideds left in the country. Oh well, c'est la vie. Unseating an incumbent is difficult and always a long shot. Definitely not the end of the world.

8:29 - Uploading soooooo slowly. Apparently the only parts of The State reporting are in The Big One and One-one-with-the-Rope-Swing counties, so it's not shocking he's ahead. However, the College Exit poll had The Opponent winning by 3%. That is not encouraging. Though I'm fairly certain that would be considered in the margin of error, so not something to start completely freaking out about.

8:35 - I'm a little sad. CNN has the Rep I wanted to win in Mass. 6th District falling behind. I think it would be awesome to have an openly gay Republican in Congress.

8:37  - So. Bored. And It's looking to be a close one, which means I'll be here all night. I'm going to shoot myself. I'm not in a position to mingle or talk with these people, so I'll just sit here awkwardly. Pretending I'm not here. I feel like I'm quite good at that, actually. Years and years of practicing the "eff-off" look. It's a skill, I tell you!

8:46 - Apparently my "eff-off" doesn't work as well as I thought. I'm guessing it's the computer and the look of concentration I have on my face. I've now had three separate people come by to look at figures for the race over my shoulder.

8:50 - Make that 5. Apparently word is spreading. I'm the cool kid now. Which sucks. Because I didn't even get any of the food before it ran out, so how does this work in my favor?

8:56 - I just realized I haven't eaten since 9:30 this morning. ...I wonder if Jimmy Johns delivers to the Hilton...

8:59 - Also, if we have to do a recount in this race, I am NOT working tomorrow. I have a massage that I need to attend. And I must say,  for being politically involved, these people seem a little slow when it comes to the results. Maybe I'm just weird because I get three different email updates whenever a state is called in the general and I know how to monitor election results and I do not like to wait for them. I like to find out as soon as possible.Yeah, we'll go with me being the freak in this.

9:13 - From the cheers on the TV and the groans in the room, I'm assuming that Obama just sewed up the election. People are suddenly very lackluster here. Between that news and the sad figures coming out of the 4th District, I think people are a little disheartened.

9:27 - Our race continues to not look all that good. While we're gaining on him slightly, it's not enough to close the gap. I'm just hoping when The Conservative county comes in it helps us out. However, my candidate in Massachusetts is looking like he might pull it out! He's only 3500 behind right now - about 1%!

9:38 - I lied. He's down by 2% now. Will nothing to right for me today?! Mia seems to be consistently behind by 4-5,000 as well. That being said, one of the girls I know from the County Republicans brought me a plate of nachos, so typing is easier now that I'm not shaking as much.

10:13 - I've now officially been the computer of choice for 3 separate members of the campaign. I also had a lovely conversation by a lady who worked in DC with the CIA for six years. She was pretty legit.

10:41 - Still not looking good. I'm honestly beginning to fear the worst, that there won't be a recount at all, but that he'll win outright. I'm not even sure what that would mean as I haven't allowed myself to think that that was a possibility.

10:54 - The using of my computer is getting a little ridiculous now. People are just coming over and looking at it and touching it, like it's been provided there for them. I'm sorry, it hasn't. I don't know why they haven't, why the campaign didn't think to have some kind of projector or computer where the results would be displayed.

10:56 - Listening to Romney's concession speech. Really, Republicans? Romney says he hopes Obama will be divinely led as President and you refuse to clap?! Do you really hate Obama that much? If so, that's a serious problem. Have a problem with his politics, but you need to respect him as a person and as your president who was elected by citizens, just like you. Especially when your candidate is bowing out in such a gracious way.

11:13 - A bunch of votes came in at once. Unless something drastic happens in the last 90 precincts, it's looking like it will most likely go into a recount.

11:30 - My eyes are about to burn out of my head. I think we're one of the few races still waiting, though they may not have called the county mayoral race yet, though I'm 90% certain the D will win. Which I approve of.

11:37 - One of my friends just wrote this as her Facebook status: "How are your results not in yet Florida? NY got it in and they just had a hurricane! Get your shit together." I feel like it's obvious why she and I are friends.

11:50 - D WINS!!! Well, at least there's one vote I cast in a winning direction :)

11:52 - Pretty sure my eyes are as red as my lips/blazer/jacket right now. Also, I can't help but wonder where Mia is. She was only down here at the very beginning, at 8, and I haven't seen her since then. Interesting choice.

11:56 - My battery is going to die on my computer in a half hour. If I'm still here when that happens I'm going to die with it.

12:06 - Final tally. The Opponent won by roughly 2,800 votes. I'm not sure what to do. I'm just stunned.

12:18 - News conference time. Gather up and hear the concession speech...

12:55 - Currently sitting at home, pondering the last few months of my life. Crazy.

I'm an Invisible Disaster

Do you remember when the walls fell?

Do you remember the sound that the door made when you closed it on me?

Do you know that I went down to the ground,

Landed on both my broken-hearted knees?

I didn't even cry because pieces of me had already died

I'm a ghost haunting these halls

Climbing up walls that I never knew were there

And I'm lost

Broken down the middle of my heart

I'm broken down the middle of my heart

You know you make me a ghost. You make me a ghost

I'm an invisible disaster

I keep trying to walk but my feet don't find the solid ground

It's like living in a bad dream

I keep trying to scream, but my tongue has finally lost its sound

I've got to say goodbye to the pieces of me that have already died

I'm a ghost haunting these halls

Climbing these walls that I never knew were there

And I'm lost

Broken down the middle of my heart

I'm broken down the middle of my heart

You know you make me a ghost (you take the breath all away from me, you take it away)

You make me a ghost

I don't cry

I don't try anymore

I'm a ghost, I'm a ghost

And I'm lost

Broken down the middle of my heart

I'm broken down the middle

I'm a ghost haunting these halls

Climbing up walls that I never knew were there

And I'm lost

Broken down the middle of my heart

I'm broken down the middle of my heart

You know you make me a ghost

You know you make me a ghost

This song describes me right now. I wish it didn't, but it does. I'm not sure what to do about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, like I'm stuck in a room where everything keeps spinning and I'm standing in the middle of it, trying to find my sense of balance, not get swept away, and to not fall over while I grasp for something that will show me what the truth is, what it all meant and why I let it happen for so long. I can't do it yet. I'm trying, and I know I'll be able to find the ground eventually, but now is not that time. Now is the time when the best I can do is push through and try to keep going through life with a smile on my face and attempt to limit the damage control I have to do later. 

I hate it. I hate that there are times when I wish I could go back to April, back before my reality caved in and I could live in a world of ignorance. Safe, happy ignorance. I hate that there are still songs I can't listen to and restaurants I can't go into without feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me a little bit. I hate that I'm afraid to go back to work downtown and relive the experiences we had there. I hate when I realize that I can't do "our" things together anymore, like see the lights on temple square, or go to Beans and Brew for our cookies. And I hate that I miss him still. That there are days when I wish I could just call him and we could go for a walk and he could hug me and make things better. I hate that he knows all of my insecurities and knew what to say to make them seem so insignificant.

In many ways I'm frustrated and worried because I don't know if it's getting better. I miss him now more than I did last month, and I missed him more then than I did the month before. I unwillingly think of him more often than I did then as well. Little things set me off now that didn't before - the dress I wore at graduation and to the dinner at Chef's Table to celebrate, where he cried when he told me how much he cared about me and how important I was in his life; the iPod he gave me that I keep stored in my car; him popping up anywhere in any type of social media. Each time it feels like I've been hit in the stomach - not hard, just enough to make you catch your breath. 

I'm falling to pieces. The only things that keeps me from breaking down and talking to him is knowing that it would only result in more pain for me - the realization that he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him, or even in the same way. That he'd be bugged I reached out to him in such a sentimental, caring way. And that while he's put out that I'm not in his life anymore, filling that space that I did previously, he's gotten used to it and adapted. 

And I hate that I can't be that way. I'm still here, trying to catch my balance, righting the world back into this new reality I've found myself thrust in to, all the while going on in life as if I'm a functioning member of society.

I'm an invisible disaster.

-PM

What I SHOULD be doing...

is writing a paper or editing my ORCA grant proposal. But I think this adequately describes how I'm feeling right now:

Yep. That happened. And now what am I doing? Blogging. Because I lack the motivation to do anything school-related. I'm in "I have a full-time job and a life" mode, not "school and studying are my life" mode. This is a problem.

However, the semester is nearly over (can you believe it?!) so there's no sense in rocking the boat now, right? Haha...

By the way, the hurricane really underwhelmed our area, but much of the Northeast was less fortunate. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

In other news, it's Halloween. Tolly decided to go out on the town with a few people and was thoroughly freaked out by how many drunk people were roaming the streets, and by the fact that she returned to the BC smelling slightly of pot...

Sorry Tolly, you're not in Fruit Heights or Provo anymore. I have no sympathy for this type of closed minded shock. This is how the other half lives. Deal with it.

Is that too harsh of me? Sometimes I just have a hard time coping with the fact that I am clearly the least sheltered person here. And I'm starting to recognize that I've been here for over half a semester because I'm feeling a bit cooped up with these people, particularly Tolly. Most of the time she and I have great late night chats or cereal parties, but every once in a while I would like nothing more than to make her stop existing in my universe. I have to count my blessings though; there are other girls here that would drive me absolutely bat-$#!% crazy if I had to share a room with them.

I miss you ladies. This whole experience really makes me appreciate my real friends. I can't wait to come home and be with normal crazy people again. Ha.

Peace and love,

The Rack

For The Rack

Dear Rack,

We miss you. And we just wanted to let you know that even though you are a couple of thousand miles away, we love you :)

So we made this for you

-Paul Mitchell, GNC, and Aquafresh

P.S. Aquafresh wanted to be here, but unfortunately had an emergency with her roommates she had to see to. She was, however, here in spirit.

Letters to the Populace

Dear friend-who-blogs,

I don't want to know about how your Brazilian wax went. I don't want to know a review, so please, please, PLEASE, don't post it on your blog, especially when I WOULD be interested in a review of a Brazilian Blow-Out, so I clicked on it thinking that what it led to, not a review on your recent waxing "down there."  If I DID want to know about how your waxing went, I would have sent you a private message through Facebook, not looked onto your public blog in case there happened to be a review about your very private procedure.


Dear intern,

I understand you had a crazy weekend at some comic convention and that the internship is not the most exciting thing you could be doing with your time. However, that is not a good reason to call-in and say you can't come in. I didn't buy the "my throat hurts and I can't talk" excuse when my coworker said it, nor do I lay any more credence to it when you call it after a crazy weekend I know you had.

Dear English-speakers,

The adverb is STILL NECESSARY!!! I know it's not as fun to say "badly" when you could say bad, especially because Carly Rae Jepson has made it so cool. It's also not okay to neglect slowly, well, and safely. The English language has survived with only mild modifications for the past four centuries. Let's try not to take out an entire section of it in one impatient, text-obsessed generation.


Dear Everyone-who-complains-about-politics-on-Facebook,

I don't like sports. In fact, I hate sports and find them to be, in general, a complete waste of time. However, I have come to accept that they are important to people, and that during the Superbowl, baseball playoffs, the sweet sixteen of basketball, and whatever is apparently important in hockey, I will see posts about it. EVERYWHERE. I choose to ignore them and gloss over them, even the hateful ones where you rag on certain players or coaches in a very mean and personal way. So shut the hell up when people do the same thing about politics. I don't care if you think it's mean and I don't care that you're annoyed that it's taking up your precious news feed, or that you're tired of seeing it. #firstworldproblems, anyone? You don't have to look at your Facebook and if it's your only source of entertainment, you have bigger problems. Besides, POLITICS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SPORTS!!! If I can deal with your sports obsession, you can deal with something that actually matters and affects EVERYONE.

Dear Utahns,

Please, PLEASE learn to drive better. And also learn to pull your car up to the correct side of the gas pump.  Your inability to do either of these things is truly causing me to doubt your ability to make good decisions and makes me regret that I have to try and get you people to vote. If you don't know how to use a blinker, you should not be allowed to choose who will be in charge or our nuclear arsenal.


Also...I want to eat this:

It's the butternut squash asiago tortellaci from the Mac Grill. I love this time of year for this dish. So good. 

- PM out

3:26 AM

Yes, yes it is 3:26 am and I am still awake. I still have a one page response paper to finish. I still have spin class at 8:05 am. I still have to respond to two NYT articles (stupid busy work). I still have a ton of Exit Poll stuff to do. I am still behind on updating a data set for our department's modern day Yoda who fortunately isn't quite so married to the school of "do or do not--there is no try." Because gosh #$#%$% it. Sometimes trying is all I've got.

I'm hitting the year mark with String Bean in seven days. I'm melting down a little. I moved to Lehi. We're both insanely busy. I feel like we've stopped communicating or having quality time the last few weeks. Ohhhh relationships. Sometimes I just want to run. I want to run before I get hurt by the person that I love more than air. Why does that happen? Why do I just want to bolt all the sudden. I go from total bliss to complete panic in a matter of minutes. Why are there moments where I lack complete confidence in the idea that he loves me as much as I love him. Help?

I should note that this is total steam of conscience. I'm half awake but I've got to let some of this stress out. I feel like I can't breathe. Sometimes I just want to go home. Not to Texas but like home. You know what I mean?

Just let it be the weekend already. Just let me calm down already. Just... just... just. Ugh. I'm done. The end. I love you all. Rack thanks for your BOM reference in that last post. I needed that.

As a parting thought, the wallpaper in this bedroom is ugly and yet at times oddly comforting in it's old fashioned Anne of Green Gables kind of way.

Stuck somewhere between the bottom of the ice cream carton and the comfort of the gym...

GMC

Future Lesson Plan: Campaigns

And this is why you should never get too specific during a primary campaign.

You can't etch-a-sketch back from a position this extreme, especially once it's put into writing and circulated throughout the state.

Amateurs...

Also - favorite quote of the day:

"If voters made their decisions solely on a set of dry policy positions devoid of any personality or...theater, we wouldn't need to run the campaign at all. The two parties could simply post their platforms online and let voters choose which one they liked better."

PM out.

Keeping Me Going

Last night was rough. I think the storm had been brewing for a while, but last night it really hit me and the rain finally fell.

After all was said and done (therapeutic hot shower while loudly singing along to some very fitting music, blessing from the home teachers, time on Pinterest, talking to the Captain, etc.), I settled in to read myself to sleep. I had a pretty strong impression that I should deviate from my usual study and turn here.

Thanks for standing by me from across the country. It means the world to me.

Love, The Rack

I'm a Milk Snob

So the other night, Trader Joes didn't have any 1% milk. This would not have been a problem before the Captain (which is what I've decided - with no help from either of you - to call the boy. There's a story there if you're wondering) and I started buying milk together, since my family used to only buy 2%. But the Captain prefers 1%, and now I've become accustomed to that. This is not to say that I won't drink anything else, but given the choice I will not buy anything else. So, rather than suck it up at TJ's and buy 2%, I bought vanilla soy milk. Maybe I'm turning into a hippie too, Paul Mitchell... I'm currently eating a bowl of Organic Mango Granola with Organic Vanilla Soy Milk. So that's happening.

Also, everyone here complains. All the time. The kids from Utah complain that cities out here are dirty, or that people do gross things (like spit while they're running, which runners do EVERYWHERE btw). The kids who have traveled a lot complain that the metro isn't as nice as the London subway system. Everyone complains about how expensive everything is, or about the weather, or about how the cliques that are forming at the BC. I just want to scream at everyone to get over themselves and enjoy the semester. So I've decided to do just that. However, by not complaining, I've turned into a terrible gossip who talks about everyone who complains. It's a problem. I guess there is one good thing that comes from this...

but I'm making friends in all the wrong ways. Maybe not all the wrong ways; I think there are a few people that genuinely like me because I'm awesome. Others, though, I've definitely joined forces with because I'm willing to hate on everyone else. Help?

On to more positive things. Philadelphia last weekend was awesome! (It was another thing a lot of people complained about, but I had a great time. You may have noticed this from my photos.) This weekend I went to Ocean City, MD and played in the ocean and built sand castles and ate seafood and bought a silly touristy sweater and enjoyed the day with three of mis amigos. I really enjoyed this small group trip on which I was beholden to no one's plans but my own. Sometimes it's nice being the girl who's kind of a loner and who hangs out with whoever she wants instead of following the Planners around. I'm pretty sick of Planners and their schedules. I am perfectly content meandering around on my own, or with three other cool people, without any plan at all. And I don't think I'm missing out on anything by operating this way. So here's a shot of the beach crew I had a great time with yesterday.

Anywho, I still have sand in my hair because I got home and passed out last night. I'll have to tell you more about the whole day later, but right now I desperately need to shower and wash sheets/towels/everything.

Love and miss you bunches! Let's skype or do a google hangout or something soon, mmkay? Sweet.

- The Rack

The One Where I Decide to Quit Politics

I never thought I'd come to this. I am seriously so burnt out. SO burnt out.  I hate dealing with people. Political people, non-political people, stupid people - just people.

I especially hate that you can't trust political people - be it politician or people who work in politics. You never know if they actually like you, if they actually think you're funny and enjoy your company, or if they're doing what they need to to use you and keep you as a networking option. Which isn't to say that I haven't ever done this, because I have. But it makes me feel horrible. What makes me feel even worse is that nagging feeling that you have sometimes in the back of your mind when you can't help but wonder what these people are saying about you while you're gone, if they talk about you as ruthlessly as they talk about others while you're around. They're catty and petty, with very little real, deep, meaningful feelings for anyone. Why do you think there's so much infidelity amongst politicos?

Also, I hate making phone calls. HATE IT. I hate when people don't listen, when they just assume they know everything I'm saying and refuse to see the fact that I'm actually a human being who has a brain as opposed to some evil force that is trying to trick them into believing something they don't want and will take up an entire precious 60 seconds of their time that they will never get back.

I'm tired of hearing rhetoric. Of cheering on candidates and watching them screw things up, or say things that are disingenuous, or hear themselves say things that are disingenuous so many times that they begin to believe their own half-truths as realities. And that you never hear them acknowledge anything good about their opponents or anyone on the opposing side - and what's worse, I hate that we, the American people, are the ones who have made them that way and have encouraged their behavior.

I just got done watching an hour of debates between the UT-04 candidates, and I'm done. I'm done with the people who think they know things about politics when they don't actually use their brains because their minds are too closed and having to think would be scary. They'd rather two-dimensionalize and demonize "the other" than take the time to realize that this "other" is an actual person with actual views.

And isn't that what politics is about, nowadays? A popularity contest? A new sporting event where we pick our favorite teams and root for them? Make excuses for them when they fail? Get angry if they compromise with the other team?


So here it is. I'm quitting politics. I am hanging up my Politico hat, erasing the Washington Post, Politico, Salt Lake Tribune, and The Hill apps from my phone. I am quitting my job, removing all of my political Google alerts, refusing to look at my blackberry, and unliking all of the politicians on Facebook.

At least for tonight. Tonight, I am quitting politics, eating cereal and ice cream, and watching chick-flicks from the early 90s. The rest of the world can suck it. I'll return to it tomorrow.

-Paul Mitchell

P.S. This is how I feel right now. I am the dog. Politicians/politicos are the owner:

In Other News...

This man

is a U.S. Congressman.

My jaw dropped when my sassy-gay-but-straight friend showed this to me and a couple of the other girls tonight. Wowza.

Meet Representative Aaron Schock, a Republican from Illinois, who has also been deemed "America's Fittest Congressman" by Men's Health magazine. He graced the cover.

Oddly enough, I think this is my favorite picture of him.

Apparently I'm that big a nerd. Sight-seeing trip to Capitol Hill, anyone?

Love ya!
- The Rack

I Hate Name-tags

There. I said it. I hate them with a passion. I hate feeling pressured to have good handwriting, and I hate that there is NO non-awkward place to put a name-tag on a woman's body. Not one. For your reading pleasure, the following are the ridiculous instances in which I have had to wear name-tags in the past three weeks.

• First day of class at the BC.
• Institute; weeks one and two.
• Name-tag Sunday, the only thing I have been displeased with about my new ward (really, the only thing. Relief Society out here is incredible! I actually look forward to it. And the high council speaker in sacrament today was awesome. He confessed to being a metal head and I think my heart grew two sizes during that talk).
• The Relief Society Appreciation Dinner sponsored by our EQ (I felt like that was a plot to give the guys an excuse to check us out, aka "appreciate" us. But also, none of them would have known our names, and as such their appreciation would have seemed rather disengenuous, had we not had name-tags... It was a lose-lose scenario).

Five instances too many.

Before I dive into what else has been going on here, I'm going to rant for a second. My boy (who I can't think of a code name for... suggestions?) received a dinner invite from his brother - A - for this evening. Cool. But then he found out that his other brother - B - and sister in law would not be there. Whatever. But then he found out that the reason B and his wife would not be there was because A's wife's cousin and HER roommate were coming over, and A and his wife thought it would be cool for my boy to go hang out with them. EXCUSE ME? I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it but let's face it, my boyfriend is an attractive guy, and girls suck; therefore I really don't like where that was going. My boy turned down the invitation because he was uncomfortable with the idea too, but really. Who invites a guy with a girlfriend over to hang out with two single girls? Gah...



In other news, I've been really busy lately. Work is going really well though, and my boss frequently buys lunch for the office, so I definitely can't complain there. Also, there are lots of exciting things happening here all the time. We went to the H street festival yesterday. That was cool, very diverse. I got gelati (Italian ice + custard), saw a break dance fight, and had my fortune told (see facebook photos).


On Friday I got to go to the Botanic Gardens, which, in case you were wondering, is a sample of what my heaven looks like (also I've given up on total anonymity because I love this picture).

I also went and wandered around Adams Morgan Friday night. I found a cool thrift store, and a really neat antiques shop.

 Also, PM, thanks for the falafel suggestion! That was the real reason we went up to Adams Morgan in the first place :)


On Thursday I went on a bit of a shopping spree. I found some fantastic stuff and spent a significant amount of money. It's a good thing my internship is paid... Or maybe it's a bad thing...


Finally, I've found that I tend to be slightly monochromatic. Not really, but I have an awful lot of things in this color or some variation of it:

Anywho, I love and miss you all. Sorry I can't go rock climbing with you. I hope all is well back home!



- The Rack


p.s. - I'd like to dedicate this post to a certain quarterback who gave me several heart attacks last night, threw away the game, salvaged it from the trash, and could have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that pesky goal post. Missed it by an inch...

I had a really great post in mind, but I think I'll just write instead.

I'm currently watching the BYU vs. UofU game. Well, sort of watching. Me and my roommates are going to watch "When Harry Met Sally" in the next little bit. "Guru" might come over and watch it with us. My roommates tried to tell me that our friendship is like the beginning part of a romantic comedy, specifically like that of "When Harry Met Sally." I can't say I disagree, nor can I say I haven't had that thought myself from time to time. That being said, I don't think he and I will turn out like Harry and Sally. I don't know the equivalent of what we'll turn out to as I'd like to think of the two of us staying in contact, but I've yet to maintain contact with any of the guy friends I've had in my life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 2 hours later ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

BYU lost. I'm only sad about this because the more I am exposed to them the more I dislike U fans. They were the equivalent of the Dems at the BYU debate.

That being said, we are now watching "When Harry Met Sally." If you haven't seen this movie, you should. For Alissa and Mallory, this movie is rated R. If you would like to watch it, it is rated R for 4 f-words which I can censor. It is amazing and is honestly the best romantic comedy in the history of the genre. It is, in my opinion, the romantic comedy that all romantic comedies should be compared to, mostly because it provides insight into relationships between men and women in a way you usually don't see.

Anyway, that being said, I'm realizing that Guru and I really ARE Harry and Sally in SO many ways. I realized this during the scene where it shows them talking on the phone in their separate apartments about their past relationships. But while Harry and Sally end up together *spoiler alert!!!* I don't think me and Guru will. There's the issue of timing as well as the vibe I get that he's interested in me as a person and a support, but nothing romantically, and honestly I'm not curious or interested enough to exert the energy to pursue a relationship, especially because of that him-having-no-romantic-interest thing.

That being said, I miss having someone and having someone to reach out and touch. And not even romantically. I miss cuddling with people, laying by someone and knowing they're right there, having my hair played with. It's something I used to do a lot but have sort of been doing less and less now that I, you know, live far away from my friend.

By the way, I'm failing at the diet thing. I'm buckling down two fold tomorrow though. Also, I will post pictures of Baby (my Subaru Outback) in the near future, along with some of the art-work I've recently dropped a bundle on. Me and my roommates are trying to decorate our house now that the old roommate moved out and took all of her art. The house is going to look wonderful once it's completed. Which means you ladies need to come up and see me! Possibly this Friday, as it's late-night rock-climbing down in Sandy. From 10pm-2am you can rock-climb for $5!! I'm so stoked. I was considering asking Guru to go with me, but having GNC and Aquafresh there instead would be much cooler. Granted, it would be cooler if the Rack could be there too, but nooooOOOOOoooo, she's off having wonderful adventures...

I want to hear more about them, by the way!! Oh, and if you want to keep your ears open for anyone discussing job opening on the Hill, specifically as a scheduler or staff assistant, let me know! I'm itching to get out to DC for good!

Alright...it's late and I've got to get to bed. I love you, ladies! I hope everything is going well for all of you!

-Paul Mitchell

Blisters and Blessings

It's been a very eventful week. I've discovered that couple different things happen to you when you have eventful weeks: you get blisters and you learn to notice your blessings.

Allow me to extend this bit of profundity.

• Blister: Humidity. My hair does not like the humidity. Back home, my hair will curl or straighten or whatever I want. Not so much when I'm swimming around the city (see halo of frizz, right). Also, the laundry that insists upon being line dried never dries. This is mildly absurd.
• Blessing: Free Stuff. The week has been full of random free activities in which to participate and food of which to partake. Last night I saw a Shakespeare play for free (All's Well That Ends Well, in case you were wondering). I've been to a free concert, had free meals, and seen a couple free museum exhibits. So. Great.
• Blister: Swollen Ankles. Yes. I am a 60 year old woman so my ankles apparently swell a lot when I change altitudes and humidity levels... Fun experience. 
• Blessing: The Metro. The less walking I had to do while my ankles were swollen, the better.
• Blister: Tiny Shower. (See previous post).
• Blessing: Mini Fridge. I love not sharing space with the 20 other girls on my floor. It's the greatest. I'm fine sharing space with Toly, she doesn't take up much and she's clean. She probably deserves her own list item.
• Blessing: My Roommate. I'm so glad I'm sharing this room with a girl I can stand. I am continually reminded that there aren't all that many of those in the world. Toly and I have a lot in common, and we can share clothes and shoes. I just doubled my wardrobe.
• Blister: My Roommate. In the interest of fairness, I should say that it's not all sunshine and rainbows with this girl. In fact, it's the opposite. Toly is great for the most part... but she complains A LOT. She complains enough that I feel like she's complaining a lot, which should tell you something. And it's usually about trivial things, like how one of the guys dresses, or how one of the girls is always all over the guys, or how it's sooooo hot, or how her feet hurt, etc.
• Blessing: Isosceles, My Smartphone. Whether I'm trying not to get lost, trying to find somewhere to eat, talking to the Charmer (which is what I've decided to call my boy for several reasons I can explain later if you so require), or planning what time I need to get to the metro to get to work on-time, I am eternally grateful that I have Isosceles as my loyal companion.
• Blister: Getting Callings. Don't get me wrong, callings are great. I'm actually pretty excited. But you gotta love that awkward moment when your name gets called and you stand, and suddenly every eye in the congregation is on you. Immediately. And today was not a particularly pretty day. Just sayin'.
• Blessing: Team Building Volleyball. I got paid to play volleyball with my coworkers as a team-building activity. I love my life.
• Blister: Actual, Physical Blisters. I am going to need a pedicure so bad by the time I'm done here... My feet are not the biggest fan of this city, or my activities of late. Hopefully now that my swelling has gone down, this will get better.

In other news, I've been very touristy lately. Feel free to check out the pictures I will be putting on Facebook shortly. I hope things are okay back home. PM, you're amazing. Just go rock the socks off your job, and enjoy your pretentious hippie lifestyle. I love it. GNC, hang in there, and call me if you need to chat. Fresh, (if you ever read this) try not to drown in your homework. Go have some fun with the girls, they need you.

Love you ladies!

- The Rack

Bird Crap

First of all I have to say that PM's post was absolutely amazing. It was comforting to read given the fact that I had a day that felt a lot like this...

And now I feel a lot like this...

You ever feel like sometimes life, or at least some aspect of your life, just craps on you? I know we all feel that way sometimes, and I don't want this to sound whiny... but I NEED a moment. As such I've turned to you. I wish I had something deep to say about what I've learned from today's struggles, but I haven't learned the lesson yet. I'm paused for the moment--if you will--and simply having a moment. 

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life." 

--Virginia Woolf 

From the bottom of the ice cream carton, 

GMC