Letters to the Populace

Dear friend-who-blogs,

I don't want to know about how your Brazilian wax went. I don't want to know a review, so please, please, PLEASE, don't post it on your blog, especially when I WOULD be interested in a review of a Brazilian Blow-Out, so I clicked on it thinking that what it led to, not a review on your recent waxing "down there."  If I DID want to know about how your waxing went, I would have sent you a private message through Facebook, not looked onto your public blog in case there happened to be a review about your very private procedure.


Dear intern,

I understand you had a crazy weekend at some comic convention and that the internship is not the most exciting thing you could be doing with your time. However, that is not a good reason to call-in and say you can't come in. I didn't buy the "my throat hurts and I can't talk" excuse when my coworker said it, nor do I lay any more credence to it when you call it after a crazy weekend I know you had.

Dear English-speakers,

The adverb is STILL NECESSARY!!! I know it's not as fun to say "badly" when you could say bad, especially because Carly Rae Jepson has made it so cool. It's also not okay to neglect slowly, well, and safely. The English language has survived with only mild modifications for the past four centuries. Let's try not to take out an entire section of it in one impatient, text-obsessed generation.


Dear Everyone-who-complains-about-politics-on-Facebook,

I don't like sports. In fact, I hate sports and find them to be, in general, a complete waste of time. However, I have come to accept that they are important to people, and that during the Superbowl, baseball playoffs, the sweet sixteen of basketball, and whatever is apparently important in hockey, I will see posts about it. EVERYWHERE. I choose to ignore them and gloss over them, even the hateful ones where you rag on certain players or coaches in a very mean and personal way. So shut the hell up when people do the same thing about politics. I don't care if you think it's mean and I don't care that you're annoyed that it's taking up your precious news feed, or that you're tired of seeing it. #firstworldproblems, anyone? You don't have to look at your Facebook and if it's your only source of entertainment, you have bigger problems. Besides, POLITICS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SPORTS!!! If I can deal with your sports obsession, you can deal with something that actually matters and affects EVERYONE.

Dear Utahns,

Please, PLEASE learn to drive better. And also learn to pull your car up to the correct side of the gas pump.  Your inability to do either of these things is truly causing me to doubt your ability to make good decisions and makes me regret that I have to try and get you people to vote. If you don't know how to use a blinker, you should not be allowed to choose who will be in charge or our nuclear arsenal.


Also...I want to eat this:

It's the butternut squash asiago tortellaci from the Mac Grill. I love this time of year for this dish. So good. 

- PM out